AmIdol "Live" Blogging 3/18/09

• I live for those awkward opening ensemble numbers.
• Even more though, I live for those cheese-tastic Toyota commercials.
  
• Did you see that "What Happens After..." segment? Get voted off American Idol and they send you to... Buca Di Beppo. (I guess cause the portions are large.)
  
• Brad Paisley has really long eyelashes, Little Shop of Horrors long.
  
• Has anyone even seen this "tour" they speak of? Is it 90 minutes of Unspeakable Bad akin to those craptacular opening ensemble numbers?
• Carrie Underwood: at first I thought there was a giant lace tarantula on top of her head. Later I came to my senses and figured it was just a black nest with ribbon.

AmIdol "Live" Blogging 3/17/09

Screw the intro, let's just start shooting bullets:

• I said it last week and I'll say it again, I think we're gonna be surprised by Kris Allen this season.
• Oh gosh... Adam Lambert... Jeez... Now don't get me wrong, he'd be a great lead singer for Franz Ferdinand or Scissor Sisters, or even The Killers... But... Too much no good. He looked like he was auditioning to be a back-up dancer for a Britney video. He may as well have been wearing Barbara Eden's Jeannie costume. Instant YouTube classic though.
• Strangely, as much as I don't care for Dead Wife Guy, once again, he turned out to be one of my favorites for the night.
• Anoop! (I still enjoy saying that.) But would it have killed his brother to put on some pants?
  
• I'm sorry. I hate Megan Joy. I don't know why, I just do.
• That Matt Giraud version of "So Small" was pretty darn great.

No really. I'll get a life in May.

AmIdol "Live" Blogging 3/11/09

Okay, where would Jennifer Hudson and Chris Daughtry be if they weren't kicked off American Idol? Mankind is just not supposed to know the answers to questions like that. This whole controversial Judge's Save goes against all the natural laws of the pop culture universe. When I asked for a vigil to save Anoop, this is not what I meant. If anything, it's cruel. It reinforces, "Hey, you suck-- double! Nope, we still don't want you."

And while we're at it:

• I just saw Danny Gokey dance. Can we do a judge's UNsave?
  
• That Jackson medley was pretty cute and fun. I'm just surprised Adam Lambert didn't find a way to scream it.
  
• How's that Carrie Underwood cover of Motley Crue's "Home Sweet Home?" I think it's kinda cute.
• Damn. Can we UNsave Megan too?
• Oh that Kanye performance was so not "live." If it was, Paula would have been up there jiggling her belly fat. And while we're at it, how would you know, I mean really know, when Kanye West is out of tune?
  

Watchmen: **1/2

On Monday, through someone's kindness, I watched the Watchmen. (Aren't you sick of hearing that already?) Just some quick disjointed thoughts because frankly, I'm not all that enthused about it.

How was it? To take a Rorschach cheapshot: Hrm.

There were moments that were truly great. The haunting and yet still cute opening montage set to Dylan's "The Time's They Are A-Changing." Dr. Manhattan's blue penis flopping around. Ozymandia's pet horn-tiger lurking around with zero backstory whatsoever. Doc and Silk Spectre having a lovers spat on Mars. Rorschach cleaving someone's head-- heck, Rorschach doing anything.

Then there was what didn't work though. At least for me, that encompassed everything I wasn't too crazy about in the first place. The damn thing is cheesy. When the Comedian has his little monologue about the American Dream gone wrong, it's a childish notion. And that's what's wrong with the source material and the movie. Now, for the record, I'm not one of those geeks that think Watchmen was the greatest graphic novel of all time. For me, that award goes to The Dark Knight Returns. As far as I'm concerned, that's the Holy Scripture. Alan Moore was always too heavy-handed and obvious for me.

Still, objectively, I think the film was bloated and overstuffed. Even at an almost three hour run time, it felt alternately rushed and under-explained. We don't learn how Rorschach got the mask and so the swirly material leaves many questions for those not in the know. Ozymandia's back story is practically non-existent; we are told he is the smartest man in the world, but it isn't demonstrated all that often. And where did everyone get those superhuman wall-demolishing punch-powers come from anyway? In the comics, everybody just had a really good gym membership. In this movie, everybody's punching through walls from the get-go with no backstory on how they got these superhuman powers.

What it really boils down to is that this shouldn't have been a movie. It should have been a six-part HBO mini-series, each part being two hours.

And here's a spoiler having to do with the controversial ending. Fans of the graphic novel, you know what we're going to talk about.

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Spoilers coming!!!

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Last chance!!!

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Here come the spoilers NOW!!!

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Yes, it's true, they cut the calamari. No giant alien squid tentacles. Instead, Ozymandia's alien conspiracy plot was replaced with a framing of Dr. Manhattan going nuclear on New York. And Dr. Manhattan goes along with it to promote peace on Earth. All things considered, I think they could have gotten away with the giant squid. I mean, after Simon & Garfunkel, Synder suddenly wanted to go for something realistic?! They went to Mars for crissake! They should've let out the Kraken.

Hot List

In an effort to start trends, I shall champion a new "thing" to be deemed as "hot." And so without further ado:

The Hot Whale: Narwhal. He has a unicorn horn coming out of his forehead. Awesome, no?

HB 444

Just to clear up the confusion, this is an Abomination.

This can also be seen as an Abomination.

And as far as I'm concerned, that's that.

AmIdol "Live" Blogging 2/19/09

• That Jason Mraz number was one of the most horrible things I've seen. Ever. I almost turned off the cable box to continue playing Resistance 2. At least there I can machine gun the scary things that come at me.
• Still scared of that girl with the pink hair.
• Well apparently a slumdog can't amount to anything in this country.
• Gosh that ironworker really sounds horrible. Seriously, how the living fuck did he beat Anoop?! This wild card thing better not be a gimmick.
• Damn, David Cook is getting porky. Some people shouldn't tuck in their shirts.
• I was never a huge Michael Johns fan but I gotta admit, he seems very nice for a forty year old. Carly Smithson looked great though. She had those scary tattoos covered up tastefully and David Cook should get diet tips from her. Too bad their duet sucked.
• Why did they present the results this way? There's no real suspense. Everyone knows Dead Wife Guy is a lock.
• And jeez, does Dead Wife Guy have an ugly box filled to the brim with hideous prescription spectacles?!
• Oh thank Buddha. For a sec I though Tatiana was getting through. I am going to miss her though. Seeing her bawl is awesome. Please don't wild card her back. Please? Are you listening TV gods? If you do this for me, I promise to never let my DVR go above 80% again.
  

AmIdol "Live" Blogging

Jackie Tohn: She's the kinda weird, drunk girl I give apprehensive looks to during those concerts at Anna Banana's. (When I used to go there. Hell, when I used to leave the house.) And those tight black pants with the sneakers? I haven't seen trousers like those since David Lee Roth.

Ricky Braddy: He has a good voice but he reminds me of a serial killer's apprentice. You know the guy who is in communication with Lecter while he's in jail and carries out his biddings? Yeah.

Alexis Grace: She has pink hair and she's very very pale. I think she's a vampire. (Did Randy say, "What, Mom?" to her? I'll never understand the lingo.)

And gosh, I've missed Paula's incomplete sentences. Her incomplete thoughts. Her incomplete brain.

And is it just me or is that microphone really shiny?

And I hate the parent-padding between songs.

Brent Keith: I feel like he should be Holly Hunter's love interest on Saving Grace. By the way, I love me some "Hicktown" but not the way he sang it. Seriously, it's one of my gridlock tunes. "What has happened to Bucky Covington?" Awesome.

Stevie Wright: Poor thing. If she was on the mike during a game of Rock Band, we'd be constantly saving her.

Anoop Desai: I like this slumdog. Bizarre song choice, but somehow it worked.

Casey Carlson: At first I thought she was cute, pretty, and Lana Lang. Then she started singing the sluttiest version of "Every Little Thing She Does is Magic" ever. Did you see the way her mouth was? I mean, she's probably a very nice, upstanding citizen in real life, but she has the lips of a dirty dirty whore.

Michael Sarver: He has a great blue-collar story, but he kinda scares me. Biggest disappointment of the night. (And doesn't he remind you of Keoki Kerr?)

Ann Marie Boskovich: At first I thought she was boring, then I was thankful that she didn't frighten me. Still, it didn't prevent me from reading a few pages of Rabbit, Run while she was singing.

That Wolverine movie looks shockingly good.

Stephen Fowler: Not that crazy about him, but he has great hair. Very fun looking, very Fraggle. It almost looks like a wig. Much time was probably spent by the Jim Henson people coiffing it.

Tatiana Del Toro: I hate hate hate her. Make her go away. And the dolphin laugh? Whenever she did it during the auditions and on Hollywood week, my Siamese fighting fish's gills would start flaring. "That girl is psycho." Understatement of the year. Strange part: even though she's scary as all fuck, her performance wasn't the worst of the evening. In fact, it was actually pretty good. And her dress made me crave sherbert. "Who are you in the industry?" Samantha Foxx, yo!

Danny Gokey: Robert Downey Jr. Yeah, he's great blah blah blah. Yeah it's a sad story, but I hate the glasses. And it was not "blazing hot." I'm still pulling for Anoop. (Can you tell I like saying "Anoop?")

ANOOP!

Photosynthetic Fun!

It's Street Fighter 4 release day and Amazon still hasn't shipped the pre-order for my collector's edition. Jerks. To occupy myself (as if the 20 other games I have lying around unfinished aren't enough), I downloaded Flower off the Playstation Network.

It's a casual game, but it's stonily hypnotic. You're a flower petal and you float on the breeze, collecting other petals. That's basically it in a nutshell. It most resembles fLow, except nothing is trying to kill you and you're not trying to eat anything either. There isn't even a time limit. It's passive gaming but somehow, it's appealing in a run-through-an-open-field-like-The-Sound-of-Music kind of way. The visuals help immensely. Although I only played the first level, each blade of grass is a textured, shiny, glistening green.

Is it worth $10? Not if you're looking for hours of naughty Lost and the Damned fun, but late at night, it's a terrific little interactive screensaver to wind down to.

AmIdol "Live" Blogging

• Yay, the Indian dude made it--Asian pride! Whoo hoo! ("What can a slumdog possibly know?")
• I miss that dramatic elevator ride with the ceiling camera that shows people losing their mind on the uprise and completely melting down on the descent. Walking around a mansion doesn't quite have the same zing.
• This whole sing-off duel is cruel. It would have been more humane to have these kids do a written essay instead. Or maybe that would have been crueler.
• Kara: "I think your relationship with your instrument..." Huh uh huh uh... Relationship with your instrument. Get it, get it? Oh nevermind.
• Oh snap, they kicked off the best friend of the guy whose wife died! How could they resist milking more drama out of that one?! Oh well, at least I'll never have to see all that crap in that guy's face again.
• Norman Gentle... Why do I have a feeling his shtick is gonna get old fast?
• Can I be the first to head up the local chapter of the I Hate Tatiana club? Please? I really fucking hate her.
• Nathaniel Marshall... Apparently I am still going to see crap in someone's face. I think the kids call people like this a hot mess. Red pants? Who would've thunk the head gear would be the least offensive article of clothing?
• Kai Kalama! Whoo hoo! Hawaiian!
• This is so rigged. And I let them do this to me annually. I'm such a television sucker.
• My favorite part of these early episodes is when you finally see them dancing at the end. It's like the credits of Slumdog Millionaire. With white people.
  

The Sequel Wasn't As Good

Since I'm one of only three people I know that owns a Kindle, I get to weigh in on Kindle 2.

Here's my verdict: I'm not excited.

Not like they did a price drop. It's still $359. Like Apple products, they upped the memory to counteract the lack of price drop, but really... Books aren't like music. You don't fill it as fast. And since Amazon keeps your "library" on back-up, it's not like you can't get something you removed from the device whenever you want.

Reportedly the biggest complaint about Kindle 1 was the page turn buttons and how easy it was to accidentally press them. It wasn't and isn't a huge issue for me. I still have a harder time controlling my iPod wheel.

The major innovation seems to be the text-to-voice feature. A male or female voice will read to you. It's probably gonna sound like a robot and frankly that kinda creeps me out, and I probably wouldn't have used that feature very often except for the initial kick of replacing the genders in first person narratives. A chick reading Lolita? Snicker snicker.

The one thing that probably would've caused a pang of jealousy? A color change. The Kindle still comes only in white. If they came out with a black, you know I would've been all over that. For my techie lust, black is beautiful; white is just too vanilla for me.

Mea Culpa

Christian Bale apologizes, Imminent Mea Culpa status changed!

http://www.tmz.com/2009/02/06/bale-apologizes-i-acted-like-a-punk/

No seriously, I'll drop it after this entry.

Can you tell I'm just overly tickled by celebrity meltdowns? Funny thing though: in his radio apology, Bale mentioned Michael Phelps and his bong.

This has been a great week for car crashes. I'm going to go listen to "Bale Out" now.

Bale Out!

My pop culture prayers have been answered. A nice chap named RevoLucian made a little ditty to Christian Bale's f-bomb Terminator rant. Awesome.

Imminent Mea Culpa?

Christian Bale is crazy! Batman goes batsh*t!

Apparently this audio was recorded on the set of Terminator: Salvation. He's yelling at the poor director of photography for walking in his eyeline. What's so awesome about this f-bomb laden rant is that Bale seems to be taking this McG directed sequel a bit too seriously, no?

Check it out:
http://www.aolcdn.com/tmz_audio/020209_christianbale.mp3

Someone should put a beat behind this and make it a single. I'd download that for a dollar.

Mea Culpa

In the first awesome celebrity-act-of-contrition of the year, Aquaman himself Michael Phelps said sorry for taking hits from the bong. Well... There's worse things he could have done, no? If Amy Winehouse recorded a single for everytime she got photographed with something illegal, she'd have a box set! *rimshot*





If anything, the poor fish should apologize for his hosting gig on Saturday Night Live. Now that was a serious crime.

More G.I. Skepticism

The trailer is now online for G.I. Joe and while it will still probably be this summer's biggest disaster, it does have two things going for it:

1. Snake Eyes is still cool, no matter if he's being directed by--argh!-- Stephen Sommers. (Yes, we're still thanking him for Van Helsing. No, we're not letting it go.)

2. They melted the Eiffel Tower. Dude... That just might be worth it. C'mon, when's the last time you seen that happen?!

(Without LCD.)

Slip yourself a tab of...whatever floats your boat...and check it out for yourself:
http://www.comingsoon.net/news/movienews.php?id=52443

Word Association

Carl Hiaasen, author of such classic Florida crime thrillers like Striptease, Stormy Weather, and Skinny Dip, has a new novel out this season, and it's geared towards young adult readers. (You know, instead of old adult readers.) It's about two students who investigate the disappearance of their biology teacher.

Here's the cover, but pay special notice to the title:

I'm sorry, but that's just wrong. I don't care if the word could mean other things and I don't care if there's a drawing of an angry feline. Just the guilt by association, you know?

Scat...

Okay, maybe I'm just f***ed up.

Yo-- Whoa!

They (you know, the powers that be that control the manner in which we look forward to summer action flicks) released a batch of new posters for G.I. Joe. Check the women out first.

Are we seeing a pattern? And the shots are not of just the female characters.

How's that for marketing? Tits, asses, and crotches...

IN
YOUR
FACE!!!

With this kinda selling, hopefully the inevitable batch of movie tie-in toys are anatomically correct.

Once-- Over!!!

I always thought Once was too precious for it's own good, so imagine my sociopathic joy at learning that the film's couple, Glen Hansard and Markéta Irglová broke up in real life. All together now: awww...

Who knows, maybe now I'll have a bit more appreciation of the flick's latent poignancy the next time I see it. What? Next time I see it?! If I can bring myself to sit through that giant over-rated sugar lick. (Seriously, the songs would've been dismissed as emo pap if it wasn't set in Dublin. If Dashboard Confessional did the same songs? No Oscar.)

R.I.P.

"Movies are to blame, for stealing a lot of the novel's thunder. Why read a novel when in two hours you can just go passively sit and be dazzled and amazed and terrified? Television is to blame, especially because it's come into the home. It's brought the fascination of the flickering image right into the house; like turning on a faucet, you can have it whenever you want. I was a movie addict, but you could only see so many movies in the course of a week. I still had a lot of time to read, and so did other people. But I think television would take all your day if you let it. Now we have these cultural developments on the Internet, and online, and the computer offering itself as a cultural tool, as a tool of distributing not just information but arts -- and who knows what inroads will be made there into the world of the book."
--John Updike, March 18, 1932 - January 27, 2009

Yes I Did!

I thought I was impervious to Inauguration Fever, but at the comic shop I picked up The Amazing Spider-Man #583. Supposedly Spider-Man saves Obama and prevents grave danger at the inauguration. I say "supposedly" because I haven't opened it and probably will never open it.

Yeah, you see that little white rectangle in the upper right corner? That's the price tag. $30. Yes, that's right. Thirty. Dollars.

And it's the second printing no less. Only after I handed over my credit card did I find out there will be a third printing next week. Maybe I'll purchase and open that one.

I know... Sucker.

Apparently the first printing is going for over $100.

For now, maybe I'll find a place to display the mag next to my action figures.

You have no idea what a Presidential mess it is here at the Batcave.

Obama Poetry

Here we go with the requisite Obama Inauguration Fever post. But while our new Commander-in-Chief and Beyonce are getting all the attention, here is the poem poor Elizabeth Alexander recited, following the man himself:

Praise song for the day.

Each day we go about our business, walking past each other, catching each others' eyes or not, about to speak or speaking. All about us is noise. All about us is noise and bramble, thorn and din, each one of our ancestors on our tongues. Someone is stitching up a hem, darning a hole in a uniform, patching a tire, repairing the things in need of repair.

Someone is trying to make music somewhere with a pair of wooden spoons on an oil drum with cello, boom box, harmonica, voice.

A woman and her son wait for the bus.

A farmer considers the changing sky; A teacher says, "Take out your pencils. Begin."

We encounter each other in words, words spiny or smooth, whispered or declaimed; words to consider, reconsider.

We cross dirt roads and highways that mark the will of someone and then others who said, "I need to see what's on the other side; I know there's something better down the road."

We need to find a place where we are safe; We walk into that which we cannot yet see.

Say it plain, that many have died for this day. Sing the names of the dead who brought us here, who laid the train tracks, raised the bridges, picked the cotton and the lettuce, built brick by brick the glittering edifices they would then keep clean and work inside of.

Praise song for struggle; praise song for the day. Praise song for every hand-lettered sign; The figuring it out at kitchen tables.

Some live by "Love thy neighbor as thy self."

Others by first do no harm, or take no more than you need.

What if the mightiest word is love, love beyond marital, filial, national. Love that casts a widening pool of light. Love with no need to preempt grievance.

In today's sharp sparkle, this winter air, anything can be made, any sentence begun.

On the brink, on the brim, on the cusp -- praise song for walking forward in that light.

Idol Musings

Oh American Idol, how I've missed you.

I know I'm gonna eat these words very soon. There always comes a point with these painfully long audition shows where I swear that I'll only begin watching from the point of actual competition, but as per the annual habit, I just can't stay away. And four hours worth later, I'm still suckered on it.

During the first five minutes of the new season, right when I was about to patronizingly ask myself why I watch these dumb early episodes, I lost my f---ing mind when the screen went black. Joe Moore said there was some mysterious technical issues. Err... Kinda like HECO; it always happens and they're never prepared. (Last season, if I had a nickel for every time I was cheated of seeing Archuleta in HD... Oh don't look at me like that. He's slow-learner awesomeness!)

Still, that night, I was most fascinated by the first ten minutes of the TV show that followed KHON's charitable re-broadcast of AI's missing 30 minutes. Punishum Motorsports is a local show that seems to be a strange mix between the glorifying The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift and the more cautionary, yet headily exploitative, Cops. Is it for or against street racing?

All I know is, I want to add an apostrophe somewhere in that title. I'm just not sure where yet.

The Great Blackout of...09?

When the entire state shuts down due to...wind, you know nobody trusts HECO. You know? Like...just in case and all...

Not that I'm complaining about a FOUR DAY WEEKEND! Whoo-hoo! Snow day!!!

Presidential Firsts

With inauguration fever going full blast, poor Cherry Jones isn't getting much props for her first term as President on 24. And not only is she our first female President (since... well... Geena Davis), she's our first lesbian Commander-in-Chief! (Go ahead, wiki it.)

Awesome!

Recession

Is Neil Patrick Harris balding or does he just have a big forehead?

WoW?

Is it just me or does the teaser poster for the Transformers sequel look like a promo for World of Warcraft?

The Return of Rourke!

For Iron Man 2, rumors are swirling that Sam Rockwell is gonna play Justin Hammer, Tony Stark's rival, who funds super-villains. And in the coolest bit of news, Mickey Rourke is gonna be either Whiplash or Crimson Dynamo.




Is it just me or do these casting decisions sound like a variation of the conflict structure of the first movie? I mean, in the first movie, Jeff Bridges basically funded himself to be a supervillain and here, it sounds like more of the same, right? C'mon, let's bring on the Mandarin! Or are they saving him for the third movie?



Not that I'm not thrilled to death that Mickey Rourke could be in a big-ass superhero movie. I still haven't seen The Wrestler, but 9 1/2 Weeks, Wild Orchid, and Angel Heart are all-time classics of awesome-ness. And he kicked all around butt in Year of the Dragon. Heck, I'm the only person on the planet who loved Harley Davidson and the Marlboro Man.

Now that I think about it, he would've made a cool Venom. Screw you, Topher!

Raaaain!!!

Although it seems like the hip thing to do is hate on the Wachowskis right now, this footage of Korean pop star Rain in training for their next production, Ninja Assassin, looks pretty darn cool. Lots of knee-sliding fun!

Is J. Cameron Mad?

Now I like robots just as much as the next geek, but is it just me or do some of these toys from Terminator: Salvation make the movie look sucky cheese? James is probably fuming.

Import Smokes

Tasty "Nuts" Menthol.

Speaks for itself, huh?