The Top 10 of 2009

Oscar season's come and gone so I figure it's as good a time as any to do my top 10 films of 2009. I always hold it off cause I think I didn't see enough, but fuck it. At this point, I don't think any stuff I missed is gonna make a huge difference to the rankings. (Well, except for Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call - New Orleans. Sometimes it really sucks for movies in Hawaii.)

1. Star Trek: Not only was this excellent sci-fi, it was also a near perfect movie. The cast, the story, the effects, the script, and most importantly, the sheer entertainment value. In fact, my only gripe is still those ridiculous lens flares. And here's the film's greatest achievement, it actually made me like a Star Trek movie.
2. A Single Man: An amazing character study of one man's grief that was visually arresting for every second. Some say too visually arresting. People, it was about a gay guy-- did you not expect it to look fabulous?!
3. Away We Go: The best romantic comedy of the year. You think it's irritating but you soon discover it's actually not. It's rare that a rom-com paints its characters with a sense of the times they are living in. Dave Eggers was robbed of an Oscar nomination.
4. Where the Wild Things Are: Speaking of Eggers, perhaps people wanted to see their childhood storybook come to cutesy life. Instead, Spike Jonze gave the world a realistic portrait of a bratty kid's self-absorbed fantasy world. Fear the mainland.
   
5. The White Ribbon: The year's most challenging film. It moves at a snail's pace and the ending is the last thing from user-friendly. But stick with it and really pay attention: the pay-off is everything you need to know about nothing less than the birth of evil.
6. A Serious Man: The year's second most challenging film. When the Coens decide to examine an entire religion, the result is bizarre, hilariously awkward, and totally unpredictable. Like The White Ribbon, the ending is a head-scratcher, but it's also perfect for all that came before it.
7. The Road: One of the bleakest, most utterly depressing films ever made. But you can't get it out of your head. Thank Buddha it wasn't available on home video during the recent tsunami scare. People would have been eating each other.
8. Precious: Based on the Novel Push by Sapphire: Another portrait of a bleak lifestyle that actually works damn hard for its semi-happy ending. And who didn't want to run down the street eating chicken drumsticks straight from the bucket after seeing this?
9. Red Cliff: John Woo's monster period opus stuck a needle into the Crouching Tiger genre and injected it with crack. Can't wait to see the full international version.
10. The Hurt Locker: Not quite as good as people seem to think, but still incredibly watchable as a pulp fiction character study. Either way, it was a terrific action movie and more thrilling than ... ahem ... Avatar.

(Honorable Mention: In the Loop for its script that created profanity for a new age. If you thought you've heard every possible variation on the f-word, check this fucker out.)

AmIdol "Live" Blogging 3/18/09

• I live for those awkward opening ensemble numbers.
• Even more though, I live for those cheese-tastic Toyota commercials.
  
• Did you see that "What Happens After..." segment? Get voted off American Idol and they send you to... Buca Di Beppo. (I guess cause the portions are large.)
  
• Brad Paisley has really long eyelashes, Little Shop of Horrors long.
  
• Has anyone even seen this "tour" they speak of? Is it 90 minutes of Unspeakable Bad akin to those craptacular opening ensemble numbers?
• Carrie Underwood: at first I thought there was a giant lace tarantula on top of her head. Later I came to my senses and figured it was just a black nest with ribbon.

AmIdol "Live" Blogging 3/17/09

Screw the intro, let's just start shooting bullets:

• I said it last week and I'll say it again, I think we're gonna be surprised by Kris Allen this season.
• Oh gosh... Adam Lambert... Jeez... Now don't get me wrong, he'd be a great lead singer for Franz Ferdinand or Scissor Sisters, or even The Killers... But... Too much no good. He looked like he was auditioning to be a back-up dancer for a Britney video. He may as well have been wearing Barbara Eden's Jeannie costume. Instant YouTube classic though.
• Strangely, as much as I don't care for Dead Wife Guy, once again, he turned out to be one of my favorites for the night.
• Anoop! (I still enjoy saying that.) But would it have killed his brother to put on some pants?
  
• I'm sorry. I hate Megan Joy. I don't know why, I just do.
• That Matt Giraud version of "So Small" was pretty darn great.

No really. I'll get a life in May.

AmIdol "Live" Blogging 3/11/09

Okay, where would Jennifer Hudson and Chris Daughtry be if they weren't kicked off American Idol? Mankind is just not supposed to know the answers to questions like that. This whole controversial Judge's Save goes against all the natural laws of the pop culture universe. When I asked for a vigil to save Anoop, this is not what I meant. If anything, it's cruel. It reinforces, "Hey, you suck-- double! Nope, we still don't want you."

And while we're at it:

• I just saw Danny Gokey dance. Can we do a judge's UNsave?
  
• That Jackson medley was pretty cute and fun. I'm just surprised Adam Lambert didn't find a way to scream it.
  
• How's that Carrie Underwood cover of Motley Crue's "Home Sweet Home?" I think it's kinda cute.
• Damn. Can we UNsave Megan too?
• Oh that Kanye performance was so not "live." If it was, Paula would have been up there jiggling her belly fat. And while we're at it, how would you know, I mean really know, when Kanye West is out of tune?
  

Watchmen: **1/2

On Monday, through someone's kindness, I watched the Watchmen. (Aren't you sick of hearing that already?) Just some quick disjointed thoughts because frankly, I'm not all that enthused about it.

How was it? To take a Rorschach cheapshot: Hrm.

There were moments that were truly great. The haunting and yet still cute opening montage set to Dylan's "The Time's They Are A-Changing." Dr. Manhattan's blue penis flopping around. Ozymandia's pet horn-tiger lurking around with zero backstory whatsoever. Doc and Silk Spectre having a lovers spat on Mars. Rorschach cleaving someone's head-- heck, Rorschach doing anything.

Then there was what didn't work though. At least for me, that encompassed everything I wasn't too crazy about in the first place. The damn thing is cheesy. When the Comedian has his little monologue about the American Dream gone wrong, it's a childish notion. And that's what's wrong with the source material and the movie. Now, for the record, I'm not one of those geeks that think Watchmen was the greatest graphic novel of all time. For me, that award goes to The Dark Knight Returns. As far as I'm concerned, that's the Holy Scripture. Alan Moore was always too heavy-handed and obvious for me.

Still, objectively, I think the film was bloated and overstuffed. Even at an almost three hour run time, it felt alternately rushed and under-explained. We don't learn how Rorschach got the mask and so the swirly material leaves many questions for those not in the know. Ozymandia's back story is practically non-existent; we are told he is the smartest man in the world, but it isn't demonstrated all that often. And where did everyone get those superhuman wall-demolishing punch-powers come from anyway? In the comics, everybody just had a really good gym membership. In this movie, everybody's punching through walls from the get-go with no backstory on how they got these superhuman powers.

What it really boils down to is that this shouldn't have been a movie. It should have been a six-part HBO mini-series, each part being two hours.

And here's a spoiler having to do with the controversial ending. Fans of the graphic novel, you know what we're going to talk about.

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Spoilers coming!!!

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Last chance!!!

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Here come the spoilers NOW!!!

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Yes, it's true, they cut the calamari. No giant alien squid tentacles. Instead, Ozymandia's alien conspiracy plot was replaced with a framing of Dr. Manhattan going nuclear on New York. And Dr. Manhattan goes along with it to promote peace on Earth. All things considered, I think they could have gotten away with the giant squid. I mean, after Simon & Garfunkel, Synder suddenly wanted to go for something realistic?! They went to Mars for crissake! They should've let out the Kraken.

Hot List

In an effort to start trends, I shall champion a new "thing" to be deemed as "hot." And so without further ado:

The Hot Whale: Narwhal. He has a unicorn horn coming out of his forehead. Awesome, no?

HB 444

Just to clear up the confusion, this is an Abomination.

This can also be seen as an Abomination.

And as far as I'm concerned, that's that.